Then KILTRO comes along and phases your nigger balls off.
This is the main character of KILTRO.
He wants to feel you from the inside.
He's had it up to here with these fucking evil Chilean ninjas, and he's not going to take their evil Chilean ninjitsu bullshit anymore!
If you want to be a prick about it, you could boil this marvelous film down as "A Few Dollars More" meets "Enter the Dragon," with some Marvel Comics origin story for good measure.
The main character, Zamir (I assumed his name was Kiltro, but imdb tells me otherwise -- he's the leader of the Kiltros, a gang), is a street punk with abs of steel, fists of fury, legs of lightning, and dicks of huge. One day, he rescues the daughter of a Korean kung fu master, and he falls in love with her or something.
Then a total bad ass shows up and murders everybody, schools the kung fu master (for revenge, I think), and takes the daughter hostage.
Then, he bests and humiliates Zarnir.
Zarnir gets some better kung fu training from the midget who trained his ancestors or something like that. At any rate, Zarnir gets pissed, paints his face, and rips everyone's CGI innards out with his bare hands.
At one point, during his melee against a hundred other ninjas, my girlfriend Hannah leaned over and asked, "Jesus Christ! Why won't they just run away?! Can't they run away and not fight him?!"
Good question.
KILTRO is a bad ass fucking movie. Watch the dubbed version, because if the version you see has any serious editing difference, it won't be the genuine KILTRO experience.
Which is a bad ass fucking experience.
On DVD today! Not on Blue Ray ever!
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